I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
