nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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