I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
