the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
