found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
