Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i wish my penis had a tongue
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
