dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
