If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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