i don't like sucking hair
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize