I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
