there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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