I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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