How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize