Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
i've created a new STD.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
