I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
