i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
