I was born with a shot glass in my hand
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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