I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
