Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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