Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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