there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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