I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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