I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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