Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize