I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
