Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize