yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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