btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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