i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
