found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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