God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
