I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
