The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
