Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
