i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
