he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Randomize