Sober January is a disaster.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
