Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize