Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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