apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
