youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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