lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
