he wants to bone in the snuggie
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Randomize
