That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
