Your tits are I can't wait for
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
