It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize