i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
