i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
