I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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