i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
