guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Let's get the cat blown out
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
