I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I am available for nakedness
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
