wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
