You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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