If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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