I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
