Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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