i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I party with great urgency now.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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