I CAN MOONWALK!
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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