wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
