Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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