I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
