One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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