wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
