I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
