It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
