i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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