I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
