I'm drive I can fine osifer
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
