new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Randomize