I puked a lego.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
