You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
