I love having hate sex.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
