I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
you never un-have a 4some
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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