Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
