Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
