I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
