Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize